Everyone, at some point in our lives, face some crisis. It could be an acute or chronic disease, a breaking relationship with a spouse, failure in academics or in a career, financial turmoil etc. No one in this world is free of such crisis; everyone has their share of challenges in their lives. These stressful situations cost us our physical, emotional and mental health. Stress is one factor which has causal relationship with every disease; you name a disease and you’ll find stress linked to it somewhere. But it is actually not the stress or such stressful situations that are making us suffer; we suffer because we don’t know how to navigate through these crisis that life throws our way.
As I mentioned earlier, everyone has their parcel of difficult times in their lives. I am no different, I have my share of stressful times too. And believe me I had suffered a lot too to an extent where it had put a toll on my health only because I did not know how to deal with it. But recently, I have come across a UK based organization called “Nanak Naam” on social media which shares many inspirational videos based on the teachings of Sikhism. In one of their many videos, it shares some great wisdom on why we suffer and how should we deal with these sufferings. I am trying my best here to basically paraphrase what I learnt which helped me a lot in dealing with my stress.
The solution of every thing lies in the problem itself. Once we understand what the problem is and where is it coming from, it then gets easy to tackle it. So its important to understand about the root causes of our sufferings. Below are some of the root causes mentioned.
Desire: We suffer because we always have desires about something or the other. Our list of desires is endless. We attain something and the very next moment we get pulled by another desire. And when we don’t get those, we start suffering.
Ownership: We suffer because we think we own what we possess. We own the house, we own the car, we own the clothes, we own the money, we own our family, friends etc. But we should understand that we own nothing in this world. They are all temporary possessions. We don’t even own our body.
Permanence: We suffer because we believe in the delusion of permanence and then get attached to everything. Nothing is permanent here. Everything is temporary. Everything has its shelf life.
Control: We suffer because we think we have a control over everything. And when the things don’t go the way we want them to be, we suffer.
Once we understand that these are the root causes and are ready to get rid of them, then its easier to adopt the solutions mentioned below.
To tackle the sufferings successfully, we must:
Empty the mind: We should choose to not focus on negativity at all. We can attain this by emptying our mind. We should not keep replaying our frustration/anger/sadness over something to ourselves. We should be strong enough to resist these emotions haunt us again and again. We should take the help of some external stimulus like music, yoga, exercise, reading, cooking etc. or whatever makes us happy to interrupt those trains of emotions. We should not hold on to any emotion (good or bad) for too long. The longer we hold on to it, the more we suffer.
Stay in present: It is the tendency of our minds to keep thinking about the past or worrying about the future. We should understand that past is not our reality anymore. We should let go our past and disassociate ourselves from it. We can’t change what has already happened but can definitely change our present by choosing happiness.
Have Acceptance: We should not prioritize happiness over sadness and even praise over criticism. We should learn to be partial to everything. We should accept the reality as it unfolds to us rather than fantasizing about it the way we want it. Acceptance does not mean we should sit idle and let things happen on their own, we should do our part where ever necessary, try our level best to change the situation for good but if it still doesn’t change, then we should learn to accept it as a command from the creator, from something bigger beyond us.
Adopt the attitude of gratitude: We should focus on what we have rather than cribbing about what we don’t have. Again, staying in present, living in the moment, being mindfulness is all what we need all the time.
Never run after pleasures: We should understand that there are no everlasting pleasures, all pleasures fade away. There is nothing permanent here. Pleasure is a desire and desires lead to sufferings, as mentioned earlier.
Predict the unpredictability: Always expect unexpected and be ready to face it with tranquility rather than with reactive emotional response.
It is not easy to adopt these solutions. It demands practice and discipline. I’m trying my best to apply them in my everyday life. There are still some times where I lose the focus but then I don’t let my mind divert for too long. I bring it back to these learnings. I’ll keep practicing this till it becomes a part of me because I have understood that these may be hard to attain but are very essential.
